Despite the all-too-quick onset of nippy Autumn time, it's so, so good to have Leeds buzzing with students once again.
I hope some of the new students read my pretty ill-informative men's fashion article which was published last Monday in the Leeds Met student newspaper, Leeds On. It got a pretty decent reaction so I was quite chuffed...although it was a bit silly.
I must admit, I thought I was going to have a shocker of a Freshers Week with facing the potent and often harmful combination of early mornings and the required 8 hours of intense, daily concentration. Alas, I was wrong.
After a lovely football/curry weekend at home-home, I returned to Hogwarts via an evening at the Hyde Park with a crowd including Dan Pittaway, Holly Andrews, Emily Callendar and Amy Alford whom I have missed like a motherbitch.
Monday was a bit of a fail. I was like, totally psyched to go see Silver Hips DJ at the Leeds Met Freshers Party with 5ive (well, two of 'em) and Diana Knickers but with Liam's guesty full, a £17.50 admission fee was out of t'question.
I actually managed a night out on Tuesday, making it down for a smashing evening at Faversham for Moustache. Despite the hoot I blatantly was having, I was a smidge disappointed with the weight of the music...it just wasn't heavy enough. Bah. I had thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much fun though.
Wednesday was a special day. Having been stood up for a date (with a girl), I called Andy Wightman to learn of his whereabouts and went to meet him at the G8's Bridge and Bodge's new gaff. Here, the girls of significant characteristic, teeth and hair qualities prepared a delicious Lebanese chicken dinner for the four of us. We were reaching levels of civilisation that had never before been reached in Hyde Park. It was proper nice. We went t'Brudenell afterwards for a nice drink.
After a night in on Thursday, filled with 3 episodes of Black Books, 2 episodes of Absolutely Fabulous and Four Lions (Loved. It.), it was time to re-embark on the Cockpit with Alan, Andy Fairweather, Bridge, Bodge, Adam and Si.
Adam and Si have been somewhat heroic through Freshers Week. With Si in a similar position to myself (he too has a work placement at university), you might have expected him to take it easy and make sure he's in good form for work the next day. However. Si's not only a Scouser, he is a lad and he braved it out with Adam every night - from Saturday to Saturday. Fully. Blown. Lads.
It was the main event on Saturday night. Waxopolis finnaly arrived with Doorly, Toddla T, Krafty Kuts, Nero, Fake Blood, Calvin Harris (ahem) and Eskimo Twins providing the soundtracks to our night. Despite even going as far as drawing a picture of Calvin Harris being hanged at work, his electro set was really impressive and the numerous Alvin Horace's in the crowd made good entertainment. It was an amazing night with each and every one of us on good form - not least Andy Wightman. His antics on the walk back to Bridge and Bodge's in particular will stay in my little head for a long time.
Back at Bridge and Bodge's, we drank tea, laughed some more and began my 15 hour stay in a onesie. Good work everyone.
I'm sat here with the strange and slightly embarrassing feeling of being the last member of staff in the office and with starting work at the MGMT gig tonight in 15 minutes, I think I best get out of here.
Love love x
About Me
- Simon Nigel Danger Wood
- Born at the age of 4 in a woodcutter’s cottage in the Black Forest sometime next year, I’m a student at Leeds Met University studying Project Management. Despite the absolute lack of creative freedom, it’s alright and I’m quite good at it I suppose. Leeds Met is often referred to as ‘the other one’ in relation to its more distinguished cousin but I like to think it’s not important. We are all students of Leeds. I’m not an absolute ‘rah’ and I’m not a complete ‘spaz-tard’ – I’m very happily sandwiched in-between, all warm and snug. Anywho. I digress. I enjoy many things in life, from the humble Jaffa Cake and social intoxication to music and my attempts of being a ‘lad’. The idea of blogging has long been wandering aimlessly in my less-than-average sized head. During my previous life jumping when Yorkshire Water clapped, I put together a monthly newsletter which people seemed to like. So. Possessing a half decent grasp of the written word and the occasional tendency to be a bit of a douche, I thought ‘blogging’ could be a hoot. Enjoy. P.S. I must credit the late John Peel who I based my whole ‘born at the age of four...’ intro. Kudos, John. Kudos.
Monday, 27 September 2010
Friday, 17 September 2010
For God's Sake, Gary
Morning Campers! The uplifting sign that watched over us Red Campers at Bestival already seems a whole child ago. Getting my less-than-manly hands on a ticket was touch and go for a while and began to fear that Bestival-ing was not the will of the Gods...the batty creases.
As it happened, I came across an upstanding gentleman in the Brighton metropolopolis on Facebook and called in the G8.
Let me explain what the G8 is. The G8 is a group who know that when you put another man's cock in your mouth, you make a pact. A bond that cannot be broken. It's a unit that is so dedicated that it will get down on its knees and put your cock right in their mouth. Putting the 'U.N' in FUN, the G8 are a select and good looking bunch of homeslices from Brighton who I've had the pleasure of meeting through me mate Andy Fairweather.
Named after a Reading campsite, the G8 is a group made up of the "blessed few that have suckled upon the sweet nectar that is 'Bodger's Goon' and experienced the fun and love that G8 brings to each and every one of its lucky members" (Fairweather, 2010, JP-edia).
The G8 were kind enough to meet the upstanding gentleman in Brighton and fix me up whilst looking sharp.
Andy Wightman C.B.E. was obviously legendary enough to drive the two of us down to Brighton in preparation for the early morning venture across the Solent. After 5 hours of verbal encouragement to the midnight motorway workers, wee-weeing in McDonalds car parks and some questionable (and strong) iPod action, we finally arrived in Andy's arms and prepared to mix it up with East Grinstead's insomniacs at Tesco.
After 3 hours sleep we were up and away to Portsmouth to catch the hovercraft.
When I was a nipper, I used to have a toy hovercraft which used to reap havoc by roaming around the streets on my felt traffic mat and I've well wanted a go on one ever since.
We were expecting queues at the port. I mean, there were 50,000 people embarking on the Isle of Wight(man) in the space of day. However, we remained fairly upbeat upon being told that one of the hovercraft engines had gone west and that we were facing a 4 hour wait. We had some beer, some good company and glorious sunshine but I was soon starting to hemorrhage enthusiasm.
10 hours after joining the queue, we were pitched (or popped in my case) and ready to do exactly what comes before Part B. As a fan of nuts, here is Bestival in a nutshell. It's a cracker:
DJ Fresh - Gold Dust (http://www.youtube.comwatch/?v=RNuUgbUzM8U)
Reality then. It hasn't been so bad.
Having stolen a leather couch and failed to cram it through our flat door, I arrived home to find Si in his trademark foetal position and the said couch sitting proudly on our poorly-fitted laminate floor. Si and his papa had successfully squeezed it through, which was, y'know, good.
Without doubt, the highlight of my abseil back to reality was seeing Holly and Alan for the first time since returning from Glastonbury. Having eaten numerous sandwiches and a quiche already, the girls, Si and I headed to Frankie and Benny's for a car crash of a meal (warm beer, cold food, half-hearted pizza toppings). After checking out a pretty pish cinema listing, we decided to have a couple of frames of bowling and further giggles. Many of the giggles were directed towards some questionable techniques employed by the girls. They're awesome.
I won both games using children's balls.
I managed to get out of working the Barenaked Ladies gig in order to jam with the famalam and take in some football and curry (LAD) before probably heading to bed around 8:30pm on Sunday night, where dreams of Freshers Week will mock me close to tears.
Barenaked Ladies - One Week (www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC_q9KPczAg&ob=av2e)
I will leave you with some of the wisest words you will ever hear slurred at a festival. Late last Thursday night, probably arm in arm, JP turned to me and said;
"You can't sore like an eagle if you hang around with pigeons".
Get flapping people x
As it happened, I came across an upstanding gentleman in the Brighton metropolopolis on Facebook and called in the G8.
Let me explain what the G8 is. The G8 is a group who know that when you put another man's cock in your mouth, you make a pact. A bond that cannot be broken. It's a unit that is so dedicated that it will get down on its knees and put your cock right in their mouth. Putting the 'U.N' in FUN, the G8 are a select and good looking bunch of homeslices from Brighton who I've had the pleasure of meeting through me mate Andy Fairweather.
Named after a Reading campsite, the G8 is a group made up of the "blessed few that have suckled upon the sweet nectar that is 'Bodger's Goon' and experienced the fun and love that G8 brings to each and every one of its lucky members" (Fairweather, 2010, JP-edia).
The G8 were kind enough to meet the upstanding gentleman in Brighton and fix me up whilst looking sharp.
Andy Wightman C.B.E. was obviously legendary enough to drive the two of us down to Brighton in preparation for the early morning venture across the Solent. After 5 hours of verbal encouragement to the midnight motorway workers, wee-weeing in McDonalds car parks and some questionable (and strong) iPod action, we finally arrived in Andy's arms and prepared to mix it up with East Grinstead's insomniacs at Tesco.
After 3 hours sleep we were up and away to Portsmouth to catch the hovercraft.
When I was a nipper, I used to have a toy hovercraft which used to reap havoc by roaming around the streets on my felt traffic mat and I've well wanted a go on one ever since.
We were expecting queues at the port. I mean, there were 50,000 people embarking on the Isle of Wight(man) in the space of day. However, we remained fairly upbeat upon being told that one of the hovercraft engines had gone west and that we were facing a 4 hour wait. We had some beer, some good company and glorious sunshine but I was soon starting to hemorrhage enthusiasm.
10 hours after joining the queue, we were pitched (or popped in my case) and ready to do exactly what comes before Part B. As a fan of nuts, here is Bestival in a nutshell. It's a cracker:
- Laying some outstanding dance foundations during Dan Le Sac and being snapped by Topsho...man
- Building on these foundations to become borderline outrageous during Simian Mobile Disco
- March of the Penguins II, Ellie Goulding and the darn paparazzi
- Vi-freaking-talic and his amazing lightshow (pictured below exuding from the Big Top Tent in t'background)
- Increasingly naked penguins getting sweaty with High Contrast
- A joyful Leeds crew with the ever-amazing DJ Yoda at Arcadia
- Some warped late night helter-skelter fun with JP, Speed, Hannah and Harriet
- A not-so-secret Bombay Bicycle Club gig and Liam telling me to pipe down...bitch
- Losing things/everything
- Whipping cream adventures
- Scavenging in the post-festival landfill
I've tried proper hard to find out who it was that had a blinder after Ellie Goulding and who it was that came all the way from Paris, France with some funky brilliance (and choreography to boot) who rocked the Sailor Jerry arena on Friday, but I've had no luck - the Bestival website is tote whack and I do not care for it one bit.
Despite some magnificent musical highlights, it was this tune that Andy Wightman had me humming on my way back to reality:DJ Fresh - Gold Dust (http://www.youtube.comwatch/?v=RNuUgbUzM8U)
Reality then. It hasn't been so bad.
Having stolen a leather couch and failed to cram it through our flat door, I arrived home to find Si in his trademark foetal position and the said couch sitting proudly on our poorly-fitted laminate floor. Si and his papa had successfully squeezed it through, which was, y'know, good.
Without doubt, the highlight of my abseil back to reality was seeing Holly and Alan for the first time since returning from Glastonbury. Having eaten numerous sandwiches and a quiche already, the girls, Si and I headed to Frankie and Benny's for a car crash of a meal (warm beer, cold food, half-hearted pizza toppings). After checking out a pretty pish cinema listing, we decided to have a couple of frames of bowling and further giggles. Many of the giggles were directed towards some questionable techniques employed by the girls. They're awesome.
I won both games using children's balls.
I managed to get out of working the Barenaked Ladies gig in order to jam with the famalam and take in some football and curry (LAD) before probably heading to bed around 8:30pm on Sunday night, where dreams of Freshers Week will mock me close to tears.
Barenaked Ladies - One Week (www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC_q9KPczAg&ob=av2e)
I will leave you with some of the wisest words you will ever hear slurred at a festival. Late last Thursday night, probably arm in arm, JP turned to me and said;
"You can't sore like an eagle if you hang around with pigeons".
Get flapping people x
Friday, 3 September 2010
Frosties are just Cornflakes for people who can't face reality
As I sit here with a cup of nettle tea, watching England play their football-stuff with my ulcer lingering behind my bottom lip, I have a bizarre and often-elusive feeling of satisfaction. For I am a full time worker. I'm a careerist. I'm a young professional. Come to think of it, I think I'm going to vom.
A long time coming it has been, but I finally began my year-long placement as Student Project Manager within Estate Services at Leeds Met University on Tuesday. After completely cacking myself (to a point where I could only muster one full spoon of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes (Frosties for wankers)) on my first morning, I've slowly begun to think that, actually, I was right - this year is going to be plop.
I've somehow found myself in a position where I have a big reputation to live up to. This added pressure of not letting anyone down and doing a ruddy bloody good job could well turn me all Cobainy. That said, this year is probably the making of my future life/career and 52 weeks of ZERO fun is a small price to pay for what I'm sure will be...wait...oh yes: a whole lifetime of stress, anxiety, bewilderment, frustration, confusion and downright...meh.
I'm sure it'll be alright. If I listen to this every morning, I might just make it through...
The Streets - Turn the Page (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flt1I1U74h4)
Last weekend was fucking incredible.
My Leeds Festival experience was one shared by Si who, despite being a couple of years younger than me, grew up with the Blink 182's and the Limp Bizkit's of this world that shaped our lives. Having met up with our friend Sean and significant others, I met up with one of my bestest home girls Alice Marns (titties) to see Los Campesinos! (who were brilliant as ever) and a modicum of Wild Beasts before mooching down to the main stage to set up camp for the day. What a day. Limp Bizkit. Whoah.
Opening with Rollin' (with the all important 'Air Raid Vehicle' bracketed), they ripped through another 7 tracks including My Generation, Break Stuff (chin the Pope - consider my head blown) and Faith, it was my highlight of my late Summer - and that's saying something. We 'chilled' during Cypress Hill, got over-involved during Weezer, stared at Hayley during Paramore and got all emotional, shouty and extra crowd-surfy during Blink 182. Despite being drunk enough to end up in a vintage dress wandering around the fesitival till 6am, it was one of the most memorable days.
I'd also like to quickly express my gratitude to Becca for showing a cracking time in t'Lakes the weekend previously. As perfect-a-weekend away I'll probably ever have. There was wine, comfort, Michelin-star pub lunches, romantic boat rides on Windermere, fish and chips on the estuary, Kendal nightlife and tea-drinking (and The Expendables - what the flip was that about?). It was just what I needed.
Thanks also go to The Andes who put me up at theirs for a few nights before they headed to Reading and I headed to Hogwarts to get moved in. Despite a few teething problems i.e. where oh where was my hot water?, things are starting to look good.
Muse and Editors at Old Trafford tomorrow...bring on the beer queues and spine tingles.
Join me next time where I'll be contemplating Project Management-induced self harming and hopefully, Bestival.
Schimon x
P.S. It's not quite me doing Karaoke in Bulgaria, but hell it will do for me!:
Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_9zpAWFFKQ&feature=fvsr)
P.P.S We should totally cover this video.
A long time coming it has been, but I finally began my year-long placement as Student Project Manager within Estate Services at Leeds Met University on Tuesday. After completely cacking myself (to a point where I could only muster one full spoon of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes (Frosties for wankers)) on my first morning, I've slowly begun to think that, actually, I was right - this year is going to be plop.
I've somehow found myself in a position where I have a big reputation to live up to. This added pressure of not letting anyone down and doing a ruddy bloody good job could well turn me all Cobainy. That said, this year is probably the making of my future life/career and 52 weeks of ZERO fun is a small price to pay for what I'm sure will be...wait...oh yes: a whole lifetime of stress, anxiety, bewilderment, frustration, confusion and downright...meh.
I'm sure it'll be alright. If I listen to this every morning, I might just make it through...
The Streets - Turn the Page (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flt1I1U74h4)
Last weekend was fucking incredible.
My Leeds Festival experience was one shared by Si who, despite being a couple of years younger than me, grew up with the Blink 182's and the Limp Bizkit's of this world that shaped our lives. Having met up with our friend Sean and significant others, I met up with one of my bestest home girls Alice Marns (titties) to see Los Campesinos! (who were brilliant as ever) and a modicum of Wild Beasts before mooching down to the main stage to set up camp for the day. What a day. Limp Bizkit. Whoah.
Opening with Rollin' (with the all important 'Air Raid Vehicle' bracketed), they ripped through another 7 tracks including My Generation, Break Stuff (chin the Pope - consider my head blown) and Faith, it was my highlight of my late Summer - and that's saying something. We 'chilled' during Cypress Hill, got over-involved during Weezer, stared at Hayley during Paramore and got all emotional, shouty and extra crowd-surfy during Blink 182. Despite being drunk enough to end up in a vintage dress wandering around the fesitival till 6am, it was one of the most memorable days.
I'd also like to quickly express my gratitude to Becca for showing a cracking time in t'Lakes the weekend previously. As perfect-a-weekend away I'll probably ever have. There was wine, comfort, Michelin-star pub lunches, romantic boat rides on Windermere, fish and chips on the estuary, Kendal nightlife and tea-drinking (and The Expendables - what the flip was that about?). It was just what I needed.
Thanks also go to The Andes who put me up at theirs for a few nights before they headed to Reading and I headed to Hogwarts to get moved in. Despite a few teething problems i.e. where oh where was my hot water?, things are starting to look good.
Muse and Editors at Old Trafford tomorrow...bring on the beer queues and spine tingles.
Join me next time where I'll be contemplating Project Management-induced self harming and hopefully, Bestival.
Schimon x
P.S. It's not quite me doing Karaoke in Bulgaria, but hell it will do for me!:
Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_9zpAWFFKQ&feature=fvsr)
P.P.S We should totally cover this video.
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
G-ma in da House
Grandma said these things happen in threes. After smashing her coffee plunger (for one) this morning and with the 'insurance people' still to come, I couldn't help but sense the onset of immense miserableness wasn't far away. Sure enough, because the robbing scamps didn't actually beat me to death and spread me around in various Hyde Park bins, I won't be getting any moolah from Churchill for the £600 worth of my worldly possessions that I lost. I'm still awaiting number three, although learning that I'll probably never see my beloved grey hoody again is making my larynx ache as if I'm about to cry. New rule: Simon does not lend out favoured garments. Ever.
Holly Andrews: Spethal
I'm looking forward to going to Wax:On at the end of September. With Fake Blood, Nero, Krafty Kuts and Boy 8 Bit to name but four acts to excite the pants off me, it promises to be a night we'll all be hopefully talking about in the year(s) to come. With Muse (Old Trafford), Cancer Bats (Cockpit) and Gallows (Joseph's Well) to follow, things are shaping up real swell from now 'till the next religious holiday.
I've been seeing a lot written about Caribou recently, which I'm pleased about. I saw him and his amazing live act at Pukkelpop in 2008 and is fast becoming another increasingly badly-kept secret - which is no bad thing I suppose. I like anything centering around live drumming and distinctly remember Caribou (Dan Snaith) dropping his guitar and picking up his sticks in a building drum rhythm that was totally compelling, trippy and atmospheric. 'Melody Day' is my bestest song:
Caribou - Melody Day (www.youtube.com/watch?v=QklfmJ4vfLs)
Best buddy Michael and I are hoping to catch Leeds' Dinosaur Pile-Up in October if funds/babysitters permit. Despite me being a bit slow on the uptake, they've impressed me very much and can't wait for their album release. Do you like apples? You do? Well, how do you like these apples?:
Dinosaur Pile-Up - Birds and Planes (www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg4u2RjuXio)
This track gives me a cracking screw-face. Lovely stuff.
Schimon x
The worst part of all this added expense is that I'll be forced to continue fixing my clothes with duct tape. It's becoming all a bit ridiculous - quite like being very aroused by both Rihanna and a girl at Glastonbury who were dressed like/looked JUST like Slash.
Woof?
Aside from my misery business, my good friend Si (professional lad, has an iMac) and I finally sorted a flat to live happily ever after in. Living above friends Tom, James and Adam on the top floor of a miniature Hogwarts in Headingley's outskirts, we are green lit to some mega-fun times ahead. The landlord has already started preparing the flat to our pretty mediocre standards and will be moved in by the time I start my placement; the thought of which constantly lingers and chills me to my very core. Euuurgh.
It would also appear that I have fended off the fiends of Rent Inc. who launched some pretty outrageous charges at me after moving out of my old flat on Hyde Park Road. Being British, I sent a strongly-worded email to tell them just what I thought and signed off my email with, "given the circumstances, I trust that the invoice will be rescinded and no future correspondence will be required". Nearly a month on, it's gone a bit quiet over there. Still, I do wish I'd have walked into the office and unleashed some mayhem. Maybe throw a chair. Maybe model myself on this chap and really mess with their heads:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTFOncppkJg
Myself and a few friends spent a few days visiting my beloved friend Reid (fan of weather, liquid drum and bass and moving as far away from home as possible) in Exeter at the weekend, which was just lovely. It was cracking to spend some time with him and what's left of his beautiful locks. In a nutshell:It would also appear that I have fended off the fiends of Rent Inc. who launched some pretty outrageous charges at me after moving out of my old flat on Hyde Park Road. Being British, I sent a strongly-worded email to tell them just what I thought and signed off my email with, "given the circumstances, I trust that the invoice will be rescinded and no future correspondence will be required". Nearly a month on, it's gone a bit quiet over there. Still, I do wish I'd have walked into the office and unleashed some mayhem. Maybe throw a chair. Maybe model myself on this chap and really mess with their heads:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTFOncppkJg
- We went bowling which was fun and then irritating.
- I threw the ball into my knee because I'd been drinking.
- I saw a swan fly into a bridge
- Reid's girlfriend Helen has an awesome new bob
- Everyone said the word 'titties' at least 7 times.
- We drank Desperado's in a bar where you couldn't stand up.
- I unleashed a fierce comeback, suggesting my friend Matt (married, entertaining, arsehole) had fat fingers.
Holly Andrews: SpethalI've been seeing a lot written about Caribou recently, which I'm pleased about. I saw him and his amazing live act at Pukkelpop in 2008 and is fast becoming another increasingly badly-kept secret - which is no bad thing I suppose. I like anything centering around live drumming and distinctly remember Caribou (Dan Snaith) dropping his guitar and picking up his sticks in a building drum rhythm that was totally compelling, trippy and atmospheric. 'Melody Day' is my bestest song:
Caribou - Melody Day (www.youtube.com/watch?v=QklfmJ4vfLs)
Best buddy Michael and I are hoping to catch Leeds' Dinosaur Pile-Up in October if funds/babysitters permit. Despite me being a bit slow on the uptake, they've impressed me very much and can't wait for their album release. Do you like apples? You do? Well, how do you like these apples?:
Dinosaur Pile-Up - Birds and Planes (www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg4u2RjuXio)
This track gives me a cracking screw-face. Lovely stuff.
Schimon x
Monday, 9 August 2010
It's Just Like Watching The Bill
Having spent a happy and relatively rape-free year in LS6, the criminals of Hyde Park (who flock from all over the UK like elephants to a watering hole) finally caught up with me in the early hours of Saturday 7th August.
Having watched Youth in Revolt (a superb film with not one but two Michael Cera characters - cashback) with only my second Crispy pizza of the week, I was looking forward to a nice long sleepy-sleep in preparation for a whole lot of nothing much the next day.
Having fallen asleep, I was awoken at 3am having felt some sense that something wasn't quite right - I couldn't decipher whether it was a noise or whether I just felt a presence in my room. Either way, I woke up staring at a dark, blurry shadow crouched down beside my bed.
Dazed and confused, I asked who they were and what they were doing (I should have asked for some ID and what their career goals were while I was at it) before it became all too apparent who they were and what they wanted. Shitsticks - I was in trouble.
The man told me to "shut the fuck up" which I thought was very rude and (having already tendered to taking my laptop) ordered me to give him the related charger. The man then asked me for my phone. Now, this phone had been in my life since the early 21st century and shared with it a pretty special bond and for this reason I was pretty reluctant to hand it over. "Please don't take the phone", I said. "It's worthless, it's a piece of shit, it's not worth anything".
This plea didn't go down too well, I must say. From this desperation, two more dark, blurry shadows entered the room with more barks of "shut the fuck up", this time with the addition of "or I'll smash your face in", before an empty bottle of Smirnoff was waved in my direction. The vodka bottle was then thrust in my face and I was told to "get down and don't look up". By this point, I decided it was probably definitely best for me to do as they say.
So they carried on looking around the room, asking where my money and wallet were whilst the Smifnoff bottle was continuing to make an imprint in the back of my head. Although they didn't believe me when I said I didn't have any money and didn't own a wallet, they soon gave up searching around the room and choosing not to kill me or bum me, they left in a bit of a stuttery anti-climax.
It had been a pretty naff end to what had been another wonderful week of whacky goings on. From breaking into Adam's (karma?) to make him a cup of tea and start up Pro Evo to being wingman of the year and from a debaucherous night at Crisis to alter-egos called Felix, life was just swell.
Adam and I sampled Hifi last Sunday and in the process discovered a chap called Jack Flash. Performing alongside The Rob Durbin Trio, Jack had a killer tongue on him and got the crowd going right from the start. I later discovered he is a World Freestyle champion hailing from Huddersfield and is well worth a listen:
Jack Flash - Strength to Strength (www.youtube.com/watch?v=Peoinappugg)
I'd love to say that it was Jack who stole the show, who also took part in an impromptu MC battle after closing, but it was the sheer volume of outrageously beautiful girls who made up the clientele. Dear oh dear.
I went down to possibly Leeds' worst musical venue on Wednesday to lean on on a pool table and peer behind a poorly placed column to watch Loose Talk Costs Lives. Featuring in the NME Glastonbury Special, they're described as 'skittish angular pop with math-rock heart' and do somewhat live up to Foals/Vampire Weekend comparisons. There's an underlying technical tightness throughout the band with a good onstage chemistry and energy which makes them ever-so-easy on the eye. Best of all, their songs are so freaking catchy (www.myspace.com/loosetalkcostslivesuk).
Post Loose Talking at Elbow Rooms, it was home to check out Luke's newly recorded track with i swim with sharks, as well as welcoming Loose Talk's James and Liam into our musical den which to discuss the gig, The Gallows (whom I definitely have a ticket for their Joseph's Well gig in November) and how James had become so grey.
On another brave adventure which almost warped my musical genre-dar beyond repair, there were more new artists sent my way than I could have swung a self-defensive baseball bat at. A chap called Ash Grunwald is one cool mothertrucker and his track 'Mojo' was no doubt my find of the night. I like to think if it as Seasick Steve joining Jamiroquai, locking Jay Kay in a cupboard and getting Cee-Lo Green from Gnarls Barkley and Prince to throw something down together (www.myspace.com/ashgrunwald). I figure this track could stop any would-be thieves in their tracks as their primary focus would shift to getting their funk on.
Luke's aforementioned new track with i swim with sharks 'Just Be Good' can be very much enjoyed at www.myspace.com/iswimwithsharksofficial.
Having spent much of the day with the po-lice on Saturday and feeling a bit chod, I decided that the only thing that could cheer me up was to give myself a handlebar moustache. With the people around me not even noticing 'till late Sunday, that too was a bit of a failure. However, along with some increasingly large sideburns and long hair, I'm slowly morphing into someone who could have so easily been in Beastie Boys' Sabotage video - which I like.
Having watched Youth in Revolt (a superb film with not one but two Michael Cera characters - cashback) with only my second Crispy pizza of the week, I was looking forward to a nice long sleepy-sleep in preparation for a whole lot of nothing much the next day.
Having fallen asleep, I was awoken at 3am having felt some sense that something wasn't quite right - I couldn't decipher whether it was a noise or whether I just felt a presence in my room. Either way, I woke up staring at a dark, blurry shadow crouched down beside my bed.
Dazed and confused, I asked who they were and what they were doing (I should have asked for some ID and what their career goals were while I was at it) before it became all too apparent who they were and what they wanted. Shitsticks - I was in trouble.
The man told me to "shut the fuck up" which I thought was very rude and (having already tendered to taking my laptop) ordered me to give him the related charger. The man then asked me for my phone. Now, this phone had been in my life since the early 21st century and shared with it a pretty special bond and for this reason I was pretty reluctant to hand it over. "Please don't take the phone", I said. "It's worthless, it's a piece of shit, it's not worth anything".
This plea didn't go down too well, I must say. From this desperation, two more dark, blurry shadows entered the room with more barks of "shut the fuck up", this time with the addition of "or I'll smash your face in", before an empty bottle of Smirnoff was waved in my direction. The vodka bottle was then thrust in my face and I was told to "get down and don't look up". By this point, I decided it was probably definitely best for me to do as they say.
So they carried on looking around the room, asking where my money and wallet were whilst the Smifnoff bottle was continuing to make an imprint in the back of my head. Although they didn't believe me when I said I didn't have any money and didn't own a wallet, they soon gave up searching around the room and choosing not to kill me or bum me, they left in a bit of a stuttery anti-climax.
It had been a pretty naff end to what had been another wonderful week of whacky goings on. From breaking into Adam's (karma?) to make him a cup of tea and start up Pro Evo to being wingman of the year and from a debaucherous night at Crisis to alter-egos called Felix, life was just swell.
Adam and I sampled Hifi last Sunday and in the process discovered a chap called Jack Flash. Performing alongside The Rob Durbin Trio, Jack had a killer tongue on him and got the crowd going right from the start. I later discovered he is a World Freestyle champion hailing from Huddersfield and is well worth a listen:
Jack Flash - Strength to Strength (www.youtube.com/watch?v=Peoinappugg)
I'd love to say that it was Jack who stole the show, who also took part in an impromptu MC battle after closing, but it was the sheer volume of outrageously beautiful girls who made up the clientele. Dear oh dear.
I went down to possibly Leeds' worst musical venue on Wednesday to lean on on a pool table and peer behind a poorly placed column to watch Loose Talk Costs Lives. Featuring in the NME Glastonbury Special, they're described as 'skittish angular pop with math-rock heart' and do somewhat live up to Foals/Vampire Weekend comparisons. There's an underlying technical tightness throughout the band with a good onstage chemistry and energy which makes them ever-so-easy on the eye. Best of all, their songs are so freaking catchy (www.myspace.com/loosetalkcostslivesuk).
Post Loose Talking at Elbow Rooms, it was home to check out Luke's newly recorded track with i swim with sharks, as well as welcoming Loose Talk's James and Liam into our musical den which to discuss the gig, The Gallows (whom I definitely have a ticket for their Joseph's Well gig in November) and how James had become so grey.
On another brave adventure which almost warped my musical genre-dar beyond repair, there were more new artists sent my way than I could have swung a self-defensive baseball bat at. A chap called Ash Grunwald is one cool mothertrucker and his track 'Mojo' was no doubt my find of the night. I like to think if it as Seasick Steve joining Jamiroquai, locking Jay Kay in a cupboard and getting Cee-Lo Green from Gnarls Barkley and Prince to throw something down together (www.myspace.com/ashgrunwald). I figure this track could stop any would-be thieves in their tracks as their primary focus would shift to getting their funk on.
Luke's aforementioned new track with i swim with sharks 'Just Be Good' can be very much enjoyed at www.myspace.com/iswimwithsharksofficial.
Having spent much of the day with the po-lice on Saturday and feeling a bit chod, I decided that the only thing that could cheer me up was to give myself a handlebar moustache. With the people around me not even noticing 'till late Sunday, that too was a bit of a failure. However, along with some increasingly large sideburns and long hair, I'm slowly morphing into someone who could have so easily been in Beastie Boys' Sabotage video - which I like.
Thursday, 29 July 2010
When There's a Will, There's a Gay
I should probably begin this blog by apologising to the lovely Emily who is letting me stay in her house whilst I fix myself a more permanent residency. I didn't mean to come across as ungrateful whilst bemoaning the lack of internet. Thanks for having me Ems! At the end of the day, y'know, when all is said and done...it gets dark.
Last weekend brought with it a tour of some of Leeds' mid-top-end drinking establishments with best buddy Michael and girlfriend Lizzy which (via some System of a Down-induced moshing) ultimately resulted in crawling out Leeds Academy in utter ruin before heading to Temple Newsam the following day for 'Party in the Park'.
It's long been a tradition of mine and my friends to attend these free open-air pop concerts, where subversive mocking, drinking and the opportunity to earn some 'lad points' have been the order of play. It also allows brother Gary to carry on his fine work in the letching department (see Bulgaria...Fuck Yeah!). Along the way, we've seen the likes of Liberty X, McFly and Beverley Knight multiple times. I hate, I HATE Beverley Knight. She's absolutely bab and makes me want to punch her in the armpit really hard.
Highlights included Example (nice jacket), Frankie from The Saturdays (woof!), Professor Green (who I'm quite interested to see what happens without his sampling - I like his voice), Vanessa Amorosi (who sang 'Absolutely Everybody' in 2000...no?) and Basshunter ("Leeds! Let's fucking paaaarty!", he exclaimed before getting 50,000 children to bounce with him. Fair play to him, the mad Swede/German/Fin/Dane). Without doubt though, Craig David was the star of the show - he was absolutely cosmic! Having ripped up 7 Days, Fill Me In and Walking Away, he launched into 2 explosive minutes of freestyle (well, rehearsed) spitting and genuinely pulled it off. I was all like, "no way!" and Craig David was all like, "yeah - check me out. Peas!".
Craig David - Fill Me In (www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdcmM9T8vD4&feature=avmsc2)
Despite the fun, even the bottle of vodka that I smuggled in via my skinny chords (!) wasn't quite enough to help us power through acts like The Script, Tinchy Stryder and a Blue reunion (of sorts - that tit 'Lee' and the fat one were on stage together) which prompted brother Gary to claim it was they who sang 'Blue-Da-Ba-Dee' (www.youtube.com/watch?v=68ugkg9RePc). What a spaz.
After seeing 'Frankie and The Saturdays', it was time to make like Michael Jackson and beat it (Watts, A., 2010) before Dizzee Rascal entered the fray (as in he came on stage - not as in raping the whiney, sappy piano-'rocking' band - that I would pay to see).
My week also saw me sporting a handlebar moustache that could have meant the end for Motorhead's Lemmy, although I decided it was best kept between me and the bathroom for now. I'm not sure the world is ready for it just yet, especially with Lemmy and Motorhead about to embark on another UK tour.
The best news of the week came from America, where Kings of Leon were forced offstage during a gig in St Louis due to pigeons making poos on them. This made me giggle. Although I was extremely jealous of the pigeons in question, they did a pretty good job and nearly landed a bullseye in the drummer's mouth. Call it comeuppance for just about everything after Leeds/Reading '07.
I really hope the Followhills find their way back to awesomeness and lose the singing lessons and sleigh-bells that have frankly made them look a bit silly. They blatantly just need their handlebar moustaches and facial hair back, along with a sprinkling of a gentle S.T.I. each. If that doesn't help, it's blatantly Jesus' fault.
Whilst I was in the biggest queue I've ever been in at a cinema, I was starting to feel a bit nervy about seeing Toy Story 3. I kept seeing people's statuses about it Facebook and how it was immensely sad and how they had sat cradling themselves in the corner wondering, "what's the point of it all?". My scepticism increased when an inconsolable 8-year-old was being comforted by his mother outside the cinema doors...
As it turned out, I really loved the film and was well worth the wait. There were certainly emotional scenes towards the film's conclusion but nothing to make me boo like the end of 'Big Fish' does. The additional new characters were just lovely and fitted in perfectly (yey), whilst Mr Potato Head had me absolutely creased with additional cheek-cramp during the part where...erm...best not.
I was finally welcomed into 2010 by getting myself on Spotify (thanks again Jenny Mitchell). I was initially a bit frustrated with its inconsistent behaviour in picking and choosing which music I was able to upload (it wouldn't let me upload any Cribs or Queens of the Stone Age, which I'm sure you'll agree is grossly unfair) but I'm am now enjoying the fruits of my labour. I've not felt this satisfied since the last night of Glastonbury when I finally managed to make use of my duct tape by strapping Andy up in his sleeping bag. That was a good night.
My user name is 'newyorkshire', a phrase the NME thought it created following an explosion of Yorkshire-based bands in the mid-noughties. They didn't. So there. So what now? Do we all swap playlists like a massive e-musical orgy? I do hope so.
One last thing. Music plays such a huge part of our lives these days. It was Madonna who said that "music makes the people come together (yeah)". Richard Ashcroft said that "music is power" and it was CSS who said that "music is my hot, hot sex".
With this in mind, I would like to dedicate this blog to a very special friend of ours - bigger than Jesus and the saviour of music - Andrew WK (www.youtube.com/watch?v=WccfbPQNMbg&feature=avmsc2).
Last weekend brought with it a tour of some of Leeds' mid-top-end drinking establishments with best buddy Michael and girlfriend Lizzy which (via some System of a Down-induced moshing) ultimately resulted in crawling out Leeds Academy in utter ruin before heading to Temple Newsam the following day for 'Party in the Park'.
It's long been a tradition of mine and my friends to attend these free open-air pop concerts, where subversive mocking, drinking and the opportunity to earn some 'lad points' have been the order of play. It also allows brother Gary to carry on his fine work in the letching department (see Bulgaria...Fuck Yeah!). Along the way, we've seen the likes of Liberty X, McFly and Beverley Knight multiple times. I hate, I HATE Beverley Knight. She's absolutely bab and makes me want to punch her in the armpit really hard.
Highlights included Example (nice jacket), Frankie from The Saturdays (woof!), Professor Green (who I'm quite interested to see what happens without his sampling - I like his voice), Vanessa Amorosi (who sang 'Absolutely Everybody' in 2000...no?) and Basshunter ("Leeds! Let's fucking paaaarty!", he exclaimed before getting 50,000 children to bounce with him. Fair play to him, the mad Swede/German/Fin/Dane). Without doubt though, Craig David was the star of the show - he was absolutely cosmic! Having ripped up 7 Days, Fill Me In and Walking Away, he launched into 2 explosive minutes of freestyle (well, rehearsed) spitting and genuinely pulled it off. I was all like, "no way!" and Craig David was all like, "yeah - check me out. Peas!".
Craig David - Fill Me In (www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdcmM9T8vD4&feature=avmsc2)
Despite the fun, even the bottle of vodka that I smuggled in via my skinny chords (!) wasn't quite enough to help us power through acts like The Script, Tinchy Stryder and a Blue reunion (of sorts - that tit 'Lee' and the fat one were on stage together) which prompted brother Gary to claim it was they who sang 'Blue-Da-Ba-Dee' (www.youtube.com/watch?v=68ugkg9RePc). What a spaz.
After seeing 'Frankie and The Saturdays', it was time to make like Michael Jackson and beat it (Watts, A., 2010) before Dizzee Rascal entered the fray (as in he came on stage - not as in raping the whiney, sappy piano-'rocking' band - that I would pay to see).
My week also saw me sporting a handlebar moustache that could have meant the end for Motorhead's Lemmy, although I decided it was best kept between me and the bathroom for now. I'm not sure the world is ready for it just yet, especially with Lemmy and Motorhead about to embark on another UK tour.
The best news of the week came from America, where Kings of Leon were forced offstage during a gig in St Louis due to pigeons making poos on them. This made me giggle. Although I was extremely jealous of the pigeons in question, they did a pretty good job and nearly landed a bullseye in the drummer's mouth. Call it comeuppance for just about everything after Leeds/Reading '07.
I really hope the Followhills find their way back to awesomeness and lose the singing lessons and sleigh-bells that have frankly made them look a bit silly. They blatantly just need their handlebar moustaches and facial hair back, along with a sprinkling of a gentle S.T.I. each. If that doesn't help, it's blatantly Jesus' fault.
Whilst I was in the biggest queue I've ever been in at a cinema, I was starting to feel a bit nervy about seeing Toy Story 3. I kept seeing people's statuses about it Facebook and how it was immensely sad and how they had sat cradling themselves in the corner wondering, "what's the point of it all?". My scepticism increased when an inconsolable 8-year-old was being comforted by his mother outside the cinema doors...
As it turned out, I really loved the film and was well worth the wait. There were certainly emotional scenes towards the film's conclusion but nothing to make me boo like the end of 'Big Fish' does. The additional new characters were just lovely and fitted in perfectly (yey), whilst Mr Potato Head had me absolutely creased with additional cheek-cramp during the part where...erm...best not.
I was finally welcomed into 2010 by getting myself on Spotify (thanks again Jenny Mitchell). I was initially a bit frustrated with its inconsistent behaviour in picking and choosing which music I was able to upload (it wouldn't let me upload any Cribs or Queens of the Stone Age, which I'm sure you'll agree is grossly unfair) but I'm am now enjoying the fruits of my labour. I've not felt this satisfied since the last night of Glastonbury when I finally managed to make use of my duct tape by strapping Andy up in his sleeping bag. That was a good night.
My user name is 'newyorkshire', a phrase the NME thought it created following an explosion of Yorkshire-based bands in the mid-noughties. They didn't. So there. So what now? Do we all swap playlists like a massive e-musical orgy? I do hope so.
One last thing. Music plays such a huge part of our lives these days. It was Madonna who said that "music makes the people come together (yeah)". Richard Ashcroft said that "music is power" and it was CSS who said that "music is my hot, hot sex".
With this in mind, I would like to dedicate this blog to a very special friend of ours - bigger than Jesus and the saviour of music - Andrew WK (www.youtube.com/watch?v=WccfbPQNMbg&feature=avmsc2).
Friday, 23 July 2010
Hyde Park Squatting
Having been synonymous with the internet since like, forever, the lack of it over the last few weeks whilst squatting alone at my friend Emily's new gaff has been most frustrating. Despite the obvious disablement of social networking which might have aided my sanity, being out in the internet wilderness came at a time when, after an intense yet joyous 36 hours of musical discussion with friends Luke and Andy, all I wanted to do was unearth some new music. I've also been wanting to buy a ticket to see Cancer Bats at the Cockpit in Leeds, as well as keeping tabs on the line-ups for Manchester's Warehouse Project (BOYS NOIZE) and the latest transfer gossip (I had no idea Joe Cole had signed for Liverpool until Andy brought it up casually before accusing the man of greed). I kept forgetting I didn't have the internet and often felt like the widowed trapeze artist with Alzheimer's featured in the Cleveland Show ('LOL').
Cancer Bats - Pneumonia Hawk (www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba4NiGoYjFw)
Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros - Home (www.youtube.com/watch?v=4306i99LMXo)
I could have also done with researching a new haircut and having found nothing in Vice (as if), NME or Rolling Stone, I concluded that I'm a bit disillusioned with the state of men's hair at the moment. Best just get a tidy-up before I re-sign working for 'the man' come August 31st (I'm embarking on a year-long placement as a 'Student Project Manager' at uni and won't lie - I'm dreading it).
I could have always stayed at my parents' new house somewhere within what's known as the 'Cleck-Hudders-Fax' triangle. But, that would not have worked out very well. I obviously love my parents but as I'm sure many of you can appreciate, spending too much time together can be detrimental to a relationship. With Nige now retired, Christine off school for the summer and no real place for me to retreat, it might well have come to me trying to drown myself in the well in the cellar, which I'm not really into.
I do love a good list and it's becoming increasingly apparent that I can't really operate my own life without one. Thanks to my constantly revised 'List of Life', I've been keeping busy...ish. Emily's garden is looking much tidier after taking advantage of the randomly stationed spade and sweeping brush, whilst I banked a 7 month old cheque from my Cyprus-based Grandma (who is coming over to stay for a whole month).
I've been watching a lot of 'Absolutely Fabulous' which has kept me giggling throughout the past fortnight or so. I was only little when it was on the telly-box and was something I really wouldn't have 'got'. The writing is like, well good and the mannerisms and facial expressions of Edwina (Jennifer Saunders, whom I definitely fancy) and particularly Patsy (Joanna Lumley, who has killer legs) are genius. Since seeing the episode where they get coked-up in a French cottage, I've had an overwhelming desire to play ping-pong.
With having one of the best part-time jobs in the world at the Leeds O2 Academy, I had the honour of experiencing some more genius in the form of Regina Spektor on Wednesday night. Having felt more than a bit ropey from the previous days' debaucherous shenanigans, she made everything okay with her beautiful yet quirky (and often blunt) lyrics, hitting every note perfectly with her piano, keyboard, guitar and particularly her voice. Oh my wow.
Regina Spektor - Samson (www.youtube.com/watch?v=p62rfWxs6a8&feature=avmsc2)
Post-Regina, it was home via my beloved Crispy takeaway for my 3rd £2.50 pizza of the week and into bed with Peep Show and my 'List of Life'. Upon examining the list, I was excited to see that I was due at the Cockpit the following night to see 'Time of Hibu' in a Futuresound competition where they were vying for a place at the Reading and Leeds Festivals.
Headlining the night, they gave a passionate, high-energy, performance and were as 'toyt' as Tupperware; I really bummed it. I couldn't help but stare at frontman Luke, who has a very unique style about him and a lovely face. The crowd around us were very receptive to each of their songs and hope the judges shared our enjoyment. Check out 'Go My Way' on their website (www.timeofhibu.comToH/Time_of_Hibu.html).
Simon.
Cancer Bats - Pneumonia Hawk (www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba4NiGoYjFw)
Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros - Home (www.youtube.com/watch?v=4306i99LMXo)
I could have also done with researching a new haircut and having found nothing in Vice (as if), NME or Rolling Stone, I concluded that I'm a bit disillusioned with the state of men's hair at the moment. Best just get a tidy-up before I re-sign working for 'the man' come August 31st (I'm embarking on a year-long placement as a 'Student Project Manager' at uni and won't lie - I'm dreading it).
I could have always stayed at my parents' new house somewhere within what's known as the 'Cleck-Hudders-Fax' triangle. But, that would not have worked out very well. I obviously love my parents but as I'm sure many of you can appreciate, spending too much time together can be detrimental to a relationship. With Nige now retired, Christine off school for the summer and no real place for me to retreat, it might well have come to me trying to drown myself in the well in the cellar, which I'm not really into.
I do love a good list and it's becoming increasingly apparent that I can't really operate my own life without one. Thanks to my constantly revised 'List of Life', I've been keeping busy...ish. Emily's garden is looking much tidier after taking advantage of the randomly stationed spade and sweeping brush, whilst I banked a 7 month old cheque from my Cyprus-based Grandma (who is coming over to stay for a whole month).
I've been watching a lot of 'Absolutely Fabulous' which has kept me giggling throughout the past fortnight or so. I was only little when it was on the telly-box and was something I really wouldn't have 'got'. The writing is like, well good and the mannerisms and facial expressions of Edwina (Jennifer Saunders, whom I definitely fancy) and particularly Patsy (Joanna Lumley, who has killer legs) are genius. Since seeing the episode where they get coked-up in a French cottage, I've had an overwhelming desire to play ping-pong.
With having one of the best part-time jobs in the world at the Leeds O2 Academy, I had the honour of experiencing some more genius in the form of Regina Spektor on Wednesday night. Having felt more than a bit ropey from the previous days' debaucherous shenanigans, she made everything okay with her beautiful yet quirky (and often blunt) lyrics, hitting every note perfectly with her piano, keyboard, guitar and particularly her voice. Oh my wow.
Regina Spektor - Samson (www.youtube.com/watch?v=p62rfWxs6a8&feature=avmsc2)
Post-Regina, it was home via my beloved Crispy takeaway for my 3rd £2.50 pizza of the week and into bed with Peep Show and my 'List of Life'. Upon examining the list, I was excited to see that I was due at the Cockpit the following night to see 'Time of Hibu' in a Futuresound competition where they were vying for a place at the Reading and Leeds Festivals.
Headlining the night, they gave a passionate, high-energy, performance and were as 'toyt' as Tupperware; I really bummed it. I couldn't help but stare at frontman Luke, who has a very unique style about him and a lovely face. The crowd around us were very receptive to each of their songs and hope the judges shared our enjoyment. Check out 'Go My Way' on their website (www.timeofhibu.comToH/Time_of_Hibu.html).
Simon.
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