A pretty fat man is facing serious charges after being caught eating a Crunchie early on Wednesday morning. The man, thought to be in his twenties (stones), was seen walking buoyantly through a Glasgow street before brandishing a Crunchie chocolate bar without warning.
One onlooker said, “In between keeping my balance as the pavement rumbled, I could hear the subtle but unmistakable noise that comes only from delicious chocolate-coated honeycomb. That’s when I knew something wasn’t right”.
Another bystander claimed, “he was spazzed off his wazz box!”.
In a bid to curb midweek anti-social behaviour, the government banned Crunchies on from being eaten on any day other than Friday and enforced Cadbury to clearly mark its product so ‘that Friday feeling’ wasn’t abused during the week.
A Cadbury spokesman said, “this is an isolated incident and we are sorry for those who were caught up in the fracas. There will not be any kneejerk reactions to our policy but we would like to reinforce the message that Crunchies are meant for Friday consumption only. The country just would not function if everyone was off their tits on ‘that Friday feeling’ each day".
The unnamed man faces a 5 year suspended jail sentence and 600 hours of community service which includes eating nuisance bees.
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